Dark Waters
by Accidenta1
Summary: Nate Bain never wanted this. Religious parents, a school full of jerks, or always forced to be in the closet by an overseeing older brother. But when the choice comes, who will he side with? His family or his friends? SLASH Troy/Ryan Ryan/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: A LOT of swearing, SLASH, and Angst.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just the OCs and the plot.  
**

**Just to clarify, the character Chuck is suppose to be Charles (Chucky) Kaplow in HSM. He was the dance choreographer for the movies, I only know this because of that one HSM2 commercial, and if you look back at their dance scenes, you will clearly see him as the short guy with his faux hawk. He's credited as a basketball dancer and I didn't know what his name was in the movie so I'm using Chuck. **

* * *

"I'm leaving mom!"

I turned my head to see if she would respond.

Nothing.

Guess she just dozed off, or maybe she didn't hear me. It was expected, but I guess I was just hoping she'd change her mind today. My foot was out the door, but my mind told me to try again.

"Mom! I'm leaving for school!"

Nothing.

I sighed and let the door slam against it's frame as I quickly left the front yard.

Ever since the incident she stopped talking to me. Was she angry? Sad? Confused? I wished she would just tell me if she was disappointed or angry with me just so I knew instead of needing to guess all the time.

..._always guessing..._

I blinked my eyes and realized that the bus was here already, the engine roaring me out of my thoughts, and I saw that I was the last to board it. I entered it and quickly got into the closest empty seat. I hated when things did that. Break my train of thought and suddenly I was angry at the bus itself.

It's like waking up from a strange dream that you only stay asleep for to see how it ends, but then you're pulled out suddenly, you open your eyes and you're awake. You never see the rest of it, never see how it ends, it's just a major cliff hanger. It's stupid, I know, but I really like my dreams _and_ my thoughts. They're mine and I wouldn't want anything to take them from me.

Suddenly, I laughed. Laughed at how stupid I was, being angry at the bus. I mean, it's a _bus._ It didn't mean to interrupt my thoughts, let alone _steal_ them from me. I quickly apologized to the vehicle before laughing again.

"Wow." came a voice.

There were a lot of noises going on in the bus, but the only reason I responded to this one voice was because I could tell it was directed at me.

I looked up and saw Ryan freakin' Evans looking over the seat in front of me with a... with a.... actually, I couldn't tell what retarded face he had on. I absolutely _hated_ this kid, if you couldn't tell, _especially_ his sister. Why? Well... well, I'll tell you why. The kid has a knack of hinting how bad an outfit is. From small snide remarks to the usual looks I get whenever I see him in the halls.

...kind of puts a downer on my day. Sometimes I'd just try to avoid him, sometimes I try to tell myself I don't care, but then I do.

Ugh... what does he want now?

"Do you always randomly laugh to yourself when no ones around?" He asked.

"You're here aren't you?"

"-when you're sitting by yourself." He corrected, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah. Why, you have a problem with that?"

"Maybe... You going to keep laughing to yourself randomly?"

"Yes."

"Then I _do_ have a problem with that. I sort a, you know... sit in front of you. I can hear everything you say."

"Well, too bad then." I said turning my eyes away from him.

He returned back to his seat. "Fine."

" _Fine." _I added angrily as I crossed my arms and tightened the fists I had in both hands.

I quickly got up and decided to see if there were any other available seats nearby, but during my search the bus driver yelled for me to sit down through her intercom.

Before I sat down I realized that the only other open seat was Ryan Evans'. I saw him staring out the window when a thought occurred to me.

_Where was his sister?_

I've heard of the twins from everyday conversations before. Everyone always mentions how rich they are, all the expensive crap they have, that they'll be in movies, and that they'll be big and we should get their autographs before they become famous, but the biggest and most common of all the conversations will always talk about how close the two were. They did everything together. Musicals, theater shit, and even classes. I had Geometry Freshmen year with the two and they always stayed in the corner, keeping to themselves almost the entire year.

It was very strange to see a single Evans sitting alone on a bus.

…

…_.. wait._

Why was he taking the bus? Didn't he have a car or something?

I was about to get up and ask him, my curiosity taking the best of me, when suddenly I remembered how stuck up he was. I shook my head, my mind slapping me in the face for even thinking about talking to an Evans without them starting it.

It was unheard of... it was-

"You're mumbling..."

I looked up and realized the voice came from the seat in front of me again.

"You okay? Because I'm not a doctor or anything but... I'm _pretty_ sure talking to yourself isn't exactly what you'd call _sane._"

I wanted to pummel that little face of his into the leather seat, and I think I would have done it, but then the school bus came to a sudden halt.

I glanced outside and saw that we were at school already, the bright red of the entrance shining back at me.

"Go see a psychiatrist... You'll need it." He tossed a card over the chair. I caught it and read that it had a Doctor's name and a number.

I glanced up, ready to say something, _anything_ to retaliate, but he had left his seat already. I watched as the white of his hat disappeared into the small crowd getting off the bus. My mouth let out a deep breath before I got out of my seat, my mind unconsciously placing the card in my pocket. He wasn't going to ruin my first day as a Junior. For all I care, he could sit on the bus and be alone for the entire year and I wouldn't give a damn about how either of them were abnormal.

My feet finally found their way off the bus and I made my way to the cafeteria. Soon I was walking along the steps to where me and my friends sat every day, but when I got there I was surprised to see that Joyce and Michi were standing up, Joyce furiously looking at our table. The second I got close enough to see, I immediately knew why.

"Get off our fucking table! We had this since Freshmen year, go find another one!" She was yelling at a group of guys who stayed stationary at our table, their smiles and smirks told me that they were enjoying Joyce's yelling.

They wore bright red jerseys with white lettering.

..._fucking.... jocks..._

"C'mon Joyce... They're not going to move..." Michi was already trying to get her to leave.

She simply shrugged Michi off. "No, _fuck_ that!"

The table full of guys started to laugh at how angry Joyce was getting. I quickly got up there and asked Michi what happened.

Michi's voice was shaking, her taking every other chance to make sure Joyce was still standing next to her as she explained the situation."When I got to the cafeteria Joyce was already here and saw me. She left the table to give me a hug and when we looked back at our spot there were at least four guys sitting there. Joyce has been trying to get them to leave since."

I turned to Joyce who seriously looked like she didn't care whether she started a fight or not. I could tell by the smugs from the guys at our table that they didn't mind brawling either.

"Joyce... C'mon, Michi's right. We shouldn't-"

Before I could reach out and grab her arm, she was running at the table. One of the guys had blew her a mocking kiss.

"_Joyce! _wait-"

The guy with his back closest to Joyce turned towards my yelling and received a face full of fist from her. He fell backwards out of his chair and landed on the supporting rails of the floor level.

"You _fucking bitch!_" His face turned red from where she had punched him. Joyce was about to knuckle the next guy that stood up when someone, an outside party, stepped in.

"Chad, _Chad_ stop!" He was facing the boy who stood up, holding him back before turning to the table, "What the _hell_ are you guys doing??" He had brown hair, blue eyes and wore a red #14 Wildcats jersey.

It was Troy Bolton... East High's golden boy.

"We were just sitting here and this _girl _comes and tries to steal _our _table from us!" Chad protested.

"I was not-" Joyce started but was interrupted.

Troy turned to her "Hey, _hey_ now," Chad started talking but he cut him off too,"don't start. I saw it all. You guys swiped it from those two girls, and now you are all going to leave before you are all kicked off the team!" his voice was a mix of warning and anger.

"Coach wouldn't-"

"He? Who said _he_ would. _I'll_ do it myself if I have to. This isn't what Wildcats do, not to our own kind. Get off the damn table. _Now._"

A few of the guys started to leave but Chad seemed still in his spot, both boys staring at each other as if a silent war was going on in their eyes. After about a minute, nothing happened and Chad turned and followed the rest of the team to a different table. A very vacant, empty table that no one was using.

I heard Troy sigh before turning around to us, an apologetic face planted on those clear eyes of his.

"I'm sorry about that guys... they can be real-"

"Jerks? Assholes? Fucktards?" Joyce finished for him, already taking a seat at the table.

His eyes followed Joyce to her seat."Yeah... all of that. Sorry again." When he looked back at me and Michi, I watched as Michi jumped in and give him a hug and a small kiss on the cheek before hurrying over to the table.

I think I saw him shudder a little bit before I laughed and made my way to join my friends, not wanting to impede any unwanted contact to Troy from me. I think he had a big enough thank you already.

"Hey, you're Nate... Nate Bain, right?"

..._or maybe not_.

"Um... yeah." I said, turning around to face Troy.

"I had you in P.E. last year... I was going to ask you something but I think my mind just blanked out the question whenever I had the chance." I didn't respond, my mind trying to see whether or not I was in the same P.E. class as him. Too bad my brain was almost wiped clean of last year. Troy must of seen this because he added, "Erm... you know... you were always playing ball with me- uhh, us whenever it was a free day?"

An image flashed into my mind of Troy passing me a lay up into the basket before my face made an 'oh' expression. "Oh! Yeah, that was what? A few weeks before school ended? Sorry, can't really remember anything before summer."

"Yeah, we did a few two on twos."

Suddenly there was a small silence save for the cafeteria's white noise before I realized maybe I should say something else.

"Erm... uh, those few weeks before summer were great with all those um.. free days, yeah? I think Coach didn't care for the rest of the year as long as no one got fat."

Troy laughed so I laughed to. Both of us died down after a few seconds before silence engulfed our space again.

Why the _hell _was this conversation so awkward?

"You were going to ask me something?" I added before my mind decided to just walk away without another word.

Troy was looking off in another direction before he returned to me," Oh! Right, that's right. Haha... there goes my brain again... just shutting down like that. Uh... Yeah, well you were great during P.E. last year and I was hoping that you... that you would try out for Basketball this year. Well, that is... if you're up for it?"

_Wait what?... He actually thought I was good at basketball? Haha.. that's a nice one... Did he hit his head on a rock or something? Maybe he needed to see a psychiatrist or..._

The thought reminded me of what Ryan said on the bus and anger brought my eyebrows to narrow at a spot on the ground.

"...guess that's a no." I heard Troy say, his voice fading a bit.

"No, no-" I started, my head shaking off the last thing on my mind," I was just thinking-"

"Well, I hope you were," he had a mused look on his face," I asked you a question and I wouldn't want you to give me an answer without thinking about it." A smile formed on his face and I was able to see those famous cute buck teeth that I once remembered Michi telling me about.

"Uh- forget about how my face looked earlier. It had nothing to do with basketball. Um... let me think about it some more."

"Sure! Take all the time in the world, but try outs are this Friday and I wouldn't want you to over think the decision and miss it."

"Okay."

"O....kay then... um, yeah. See ya later?" He offered me a hand that I assumed I had to shake.

I took the hand, "Sure."

He let go of it and waved."Bye."

"Bye." I said, giving my own wave back.

Troy then walked off and I turned towards our table, a laugh almost leaving my mouth. I think it looked like I was smiling because of the obvious question Joyce asked me when I sat down.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

"Uhh- nothing. It's... It's nothing."

"Oh man... That Troy Bolton..." I glanced at Michi and found her staring behind me, I assumed she was looking at Troy as he walked away.

"_eww-_Ugh! You think he's hot?" Joyce said, disgusted.

"Why, you don't?"

"_Hell_ no."

"What about you Nate?"

My eyes widened and I ran over to place my hand over her mouth.

" ..._Michi!!_" I warned, my tone as low as possible. "_Not at school...please._"

I heard her mumble something through my hand so I took it off.

"Okay, okay. Sorry." She had an apologetic face.

"My brother failed last year, remember?"

"Your brother _failed??_ Wow... I totally thought you were free this year."

I sighed. " ...._nope_. Apparently all that yelling that happened over Summer, the ones that I was telling you about, was my brother telling my parents how he was denied like a whole year's worth of credits and needed to retake his Senior year."

"Can't he just take summer classes-"

"Already did. He still needs like four more or something after taking summer school."

I glanced at Joyce and saw that she was shaking her head. She hadn't said anything since I stopped Michi and I thought it was about my brother but what she said had nothing to do with him failing. "You need to tell them, you know. Your parents _and_ your brother."

"And get kicked out, shunned, abandoned and never to be seen again by my _family?_ Fuck that."

"You could always live with me!" Michi cheered.

"You could always live with her..." Joyce added.

I rolled my eyes. I knew they were just helping me, but it was far from being helped now.

"So..." Joyce started, and I hoped she would change the subject.

"...did you go with your parents to that anti-gay rally?"

…_.fucking...._

I kept my head down, my eyes not wanting to look up at any of my friends.

" ...well??" She forced after getting no response.

"What was I suppose to do Joyce! Not go?!"

"Yes!" Her fists hit the table," That would be a hell lot better then betraying people like you!"

I shook my head, but... She was right.... She was always right, no matter how much of a bitch she could be some times, she always told the truth.

…I've always resented her for that, but I know some day I'd thank that truth spewing mouth of hers.

"I... I know that Joyce... My mom and dad were there and well,... It's just... It's just-"

"Hey guys."

None of us saw him till he was sitting in the open seat across from me. I turned and found an almost perfect brown faux hawk staring back at me.

"Hey Chuck." Michi greeted, walking over to give him a big hug.

"Hey Michi!" He smiled through the hug before making eye contact with me. I turned away, my mind telling me that I just didn't want to ruin their greeting and it wasn't because of the guilt lining the walls in my chest.

"So, how was your summer?"

" It was great! I got to see a lot of Las Vegas in the last like... two weeks. Oh, Did you hear? There's snow! There's snow in Vegas!!"

"...you only texted us a million times about it... And Mt. Charleston doesn't count." Joyce added.

"And how are you Joyce?" He asked turning towards her.

Before she could answer, Chuck brought her into a hug.

"Ahh!" She was brought a few inches off her seat before Chuck dropped her down. She laughed a little before properly getting up and giving him a hug.

"I missed you guys."

Joyce pulled apart enough so she could talk to him,"That's what happens when you leave for the entire fuckin' summer Chuck."

"Well... I was here a week before summer ended..." His eyes drifted and looked back at me again and I almost regretted looking up to watch the two.

I guess Michi saw how I wasn't making a move to greet Chuck because she whispered something to me.

"Aren't you going to go hug him?"

Apparently Michi didn't know how to whisper because Chuck responded for me, "It's okay Michi, I met him a couple days ago. In fact, he was thankful enough to bring his _entire_ _family_ with him."

Michi and Joyce's eyes widened. I just tried to keep my eyes down.

"It was so thoughtful of him... _and_ his mother has the most wondrous set of vocabulary... and all for me! What was it that she said? Uhh, I think it was that hell was reserving a seat just for fags and that-"

"Okay, I got it Chuck!" My voice got caught up in my throat, small shudders shaking my voice from how cold my hands were feeling.

He didn't stop though. "-that I was a dirty piece of shit and that I'd get AIDS and die. I love how everyone associates gays like that."

"I'm sorry Chuck!" I felt a coldness in my face. At first I thought I was sweating, but no, I realized I was crying.

"Oh, sure. One little sorry is going to make up for-"

"Chuck, that's enough." It was Joyce this time. I knew this because Michi was patting me on the back and the voice had come from across the table.

I heard him sigh before taking his seat at the table.

Thinking that he stopped I tried to stop crying, Michi's patting was truly helping me calm down.

"...your parents are just something else..." I heard Chuck mumble.

Before I knew it I was running away, the tiles under my feet shadowing the calls from the table.

I didn't know where I was running to but the first place I thought of was someplace no one went to, some where I thought no one would see me cry. I had to admit that I was also worried someone would over think my tears and see who I really was.

That's when I found myself running to the only empty place I could think of.

_The fucking theater..._

I found a spot in the crowd chairs and took a seat on the floor. I leaned against the back of a chair and pulled my knees up to my chest.

I've never cried this much over something before, but I felt I needed to. No, I didn't _feel_ like I needed to, it was required or else I'd lose all my other body functions. Chuck's been one of my greatest friends since the beginning of High School. Why you may ask would someone I've only known for two years may have more significance then say someone I knew my whole life?

Well, because I didn't need to have known Chuck my whole life, because the second I met him I felt like he knew everything about me. It was because he was the first person to ever tell me he was gay and that he's been going through so many of the things I've been going through. He tells me that I had it worst though, because of my brother always being there, me not even allowed to be openly gay at school in fear that he'll find out and tell my parents.

He had tried coming out to his own parents, which sounded like a great idea at the time... that was until he told me the reaction his mom and dad had. He stayed over at my house for the weekend, my parents not knowing he was gay and thinking it was just a friend sleeping over. He ended up living with his older sister who, on a weekly basis, tries to talk to their parents.

They never did change their stance on the subject.

Now, here I am. A year and some months from that day and I'm at a rally against gay marriage that my parents helped organize with a few of their committee members. It was in response to our state having sent a bill about gay partnerships.

With no surprise there was an opposing rally and standing in the crowd was Chuck. He dropped the 'Equality for all' sign in his hands the second he saw my family. Then his eyes laid on me and I could see, could _feel_ how torn he was on the inside. My parents spotted Chuck before I got a chance to direct them somewhere else and they were furious that I had been friends with someone gay.

I tried explaining that I didn't know anything about it and then they asked about the sleep over. I kept saying that nothing happened and that I wasn't gay, that I wasn't gay, that _I was not gay._ They bought it after the tenth time saying it but when I turned, I saw that Chuck was still within earshot.

I think his heart was somewhere on the ground by then. I wished I went to pick it up before I followed my parents to City Hall.

I stayed completely quiet for the rest of the day, Chuck's eyes seemed to be forcing it's way through my skull and my heart felt like it's veins were spreading acid. I hurt my closest friend in ways I _wished_ I could only imagine.

I cried after the rally, not even trying to call Chuck. To explain what happened that day.

Then I realized that he was right. Today when Chuck told me that a sorry couldn't fix it, he wasn't lying.

A simple sorry couldn't repair what I did to him and I wished for all the money in the world that I could take that day back. Wished that I could tell my parents that I couldn't come, that I was sick or that I lost my voice or that... or that....

...or that my friend is gay and I am grateful, not ashamed or disgusted by that. That I was also gay, that this was who I am. That nothing in the world could possibly change this _fact_ of my life.

If only that was possible.

"Wow... you _really_ do mumble a lot."

I nearly went into a coma from how fast I got up from my spot, the back of the chair knocking out the few braincells I had left.

Standing over the coma chair, his white hat no longer covering up his blonde hair or his blue eyes, was one Ryan Evans.

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**Reviews = ****ღ**


	2. Chapter 2

My hands were trembling, sheets of ice seemed to cover my entire body. My pupils dilated into dark circles and my voice just... just could not stop shaking.

"Wha- what-"

"Nate Bain... _gay?_ Who would of known that the once star athlete was this closeted homo that lived with the worst possible parents ever..."

He had an amused grin. My mind registered the small laughs that were escaping his mouth as echoing evil laughs, their small pins pricking throughout my ears.

"Wait, no. That's not- No, it's not like that! I'm not-"

"Gay?" he finished.

"-gay." I gulped. "_I'm not... gay!"_ I was yelling at the accusation as if the very loudness of my voice could turn it into the truth.

"You're not?"

"No!!"

"Okay."

And then he was off, walking down the aisle, his feet echoing down the rows. Before I knew it, I was running after him.

"Wait!"

"What?" he asked, not stopping.

"I'm not gay!"

"I know. You told me that." he said simply as he turned his head towards me.

"Yeah, I'm not gay."

"You said that already, like what? Ten times?"

"It's the truth."

"Okay... I believe you. Can I go now?" He turned to leave but I grabbed his arm, not trusting him at all.

"Wait!"

"What! What is it?? I said I believed you!" He looked annoyed, his eyes rising up to the ceiling, but he made no move to take his arm out of mine.

"I don't want any rumors spreading throughout the school!"

"...and you think I'd start those rumors? Why would I possibly want to do that?"

"You're a damn Evans! That's enough to get you blamed for libel!"

He turned his head to face me but this time he kept his eyes on mine. "I'm not going to do that. I'm not my _damn_ sister." His voice turned harsh near the end of the sentence as he pulled his arm back and started to walk away.

"WAIT!"

I was surprised to see him stop.

"....what is it now?"

"How do I know you're not going to-"

"I'm gay, idiot," he said facing me," Well, if it wasn't obvious enough already... What, I dress like this to get all the girls to look at me?" He turned back around. "...jeez."

And with that he left, my body stood in it's spot as I watched his silhouette walk out the doors.

* * *

_Fuck, fuck fuck...._

I had left the theater already. The bell rung and I had to get to my home room.

_Everyone's going to find out.... everyone's going to find out..._

The worst of it was not that everyone would find out. It was the fact that my brother would finally find out about my secret. He'll tell my parents and they'll hate me. Hate me like the world had come to an end and I was the reason why. I would be out the door, the cold night's air turning my tears into ice and they wouldn't even have the decency to toss my things out with me.

Where the hell would I go? Would Michi truly let me stay with her? What if her parents got frustrated with me or annoyed that I'm staying there too long and kick me out too?

My arm brushed against a locker and I realized that I was swerving a bit while I walked.

This has to be one of the worst _possible_ fucking ways to start off a new year...

I looked up from the floor to see where I was when I saw a tall black haired boy who had the same eyes and nose as me.

He saw me walking towards him and waved.

"Hey! Faggot! Get over here."

I approached him and received a hard punch to my shoulder.

"...hey Matt." I groaned.

"How's your first day as a Junior, Nate?"

I thought about the bus, Chuck, the cafeteria, then finally Ryan before I answered his question.

"Great. Absolutely... great..."

"That's good." He patted me on the back before pulling me into a half hug so I would be under his arm. "You know, mom's still mad at you. I talked to her when you left. Oh, sorry about waking up late. Did you have to take the bus?"

I sighed. Well, at least I know for sure now. "...yeah, it's okay though."

Then he started walking, my body trying to keep up with his.

"I believe you by the way." he said, his head turning to mine.

"About what?" I asked looking up at him.

"Not knowing your fag friend was gay." I felt my chest tighten a bit, my eyes lowering to the ground. "_I_ didn't even know about it. Good thing you found out about it before he tried converting you or something. I wouldn't want that for my brother."

Even with my muscles leaving what ever strength I had in me, I faked a smile.

"Yeah, good thing huh?"

"You were really great at the rally." Why was he only talking to me about all of this now instead of after the event itself?

"....thanks."

"No problem. So, you going to try out for any sports this year?"

"Err... yeah, maybe basketball. Troy Bolton asked me if I wanted to try out. He said I was good last year. I don't believe him though..."

"You? Good? Why, you don't think you're good at basketball?"

"No." I said shaking my head.

"Why not? You kicked everyone's ass at Julian's party!"

"So? That's just our cousins-"

"And some just happen to be on the basketball team back in their towns! If they can make the team, like hell you can make it too!"

I smiled, and for the first time this year I didn't think I'd get what ever was left of my brother that I liked.

"Wait, isn't Chuck on the basketball team?" He asked, stopping his walk.

I almost toppled a bit from his sudden halt, his arm still around my neck. "...He is?"

"Yeah, wasn't he on the team during your freshmen year?" In all honesty I had forgotten, but now that Matt mentioned it, I remembered that he did used to play.

"He quit though, didn't he?"

"I guess." I tried to sound like I didn't know anything about it.

"Yeah, guess the queer couldn't handle all that work, huh?"

"...sure." Truth was that Chuck couldn't handle the insults the team sent him everyday, them knowing he was gay somehow. I never found out how they did, but the name calling was getting worst and worst each day and Chuck decided not to play anymore. I think Troy wasn't on the team back then, my mind remembering how thoughtful he was at lunch today, but knowing how human beings worked, I wouldn't count that possibility out.

"Well, when you make the team just watch out for the guys in the locker rooms okay?"

I knew exactly why he wanted me to do that and I almost forgot to answer him.

"Yeah... gotcha'."

He smiled. "Good."

We finally made it to our home room and the second I stepped in, I almost tripped over the nearby chair by the door.

Matt caught me by the shoulder before I fell and he asked if I was alright. If I had told the truth then I wouldn't of said that I was fine. But that wasn't the truth because sitting by themselves in the same home room as us was Chuck and Ryan.

If I could, I would have told my brother to skip home room today, that the hour and ten minutes they take getting people their classes and explaining everything about the rules and the school was too boring to stay for, but we were here already. The thought never left my mind though, thinking that I could still get away with it since he hadn't turned to see who was in the room yet.

"Watch out for those chairs numb nuts... I hope you're not this uncoordinated on the court."

"I hope so too..." I quickly took a seat at the front of the room, the chairs right next to the door before motioning my brother to sit next to me.

Maybe if we sat here, he wouldn't see Ryan or Chuck. Maybe if I kept talking to him and kept him facing the other direction then maybe he wouldn't-

"... and look whose here Nate. It's the fag."

I turned and found my brother twisted in his seat, spotting Chuck.

My mind panicked when he got up and started walking towards his desk.

_What the fuck do I do??_

"Hey there... _Chuck._"

Chuck looked up to see who it was.

He quickly returned his eyes to his desk.

"What's the matter there Chuck? Ass too sore from the fucking you got last night?"

I saw him narrow his eyes. "Answer me faggot!" He cleared Chuck's desk of his folder and pencil, the loose papers floating out to the floor, and I found myself still. My body was frozen in my chair, thin frost lining my cold heart in place as if to signal a transformation.

"_Hey!_" came a loud voice.

I turned my head and for the second time that day I was looking at the light emit off the red of a #14 jersey.

"Leave him alone."

Matt turned and found the person responsible for the voice.

"..._Bolton_." He mused a smile,"And why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't then I'm going to have to do something about it." He was standing up out of his desk, already feet from reaching my brother.

"You're going to defend him?" he laughed.

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?" He was already face to face with Matt, they were almost equal in height and neither of them seemed to want to back off.

I realized that there were more people walking in the classroom but Troy nor Matt seemed to notice anyone else. I saw that Chuck was still in his chair but instead of staring at his desk he was trying not to be caught glancing up.

"And what exactly are you going to do if I don't decide to-"

"_That's enough gentlemen._"

I wiped the sweat off my face.

_Finally! A fucking teacher..._

I turned and saw Mr. Kyles staring warningly from the doorway.

"If you two want to fight, I don't want it in my classroom. Is that understood?"

Troy and Matt kept their glare on each other and for a second I thought that they were ignoring him.

"I said, _is that understood!"_ Mr. Kyles repeated.

"Yes sir," the boys said in unison before they turned away from each other, Matt walking towards me and Troy bending down to pick up Chuck's things on the floor.

I saw that he was speaking to him but couldn't hear anything because Matt started talking.

"_Fucking Bolton_... thinks he owns the place..."

I just nodded as if to agree with him before glancing back at Chuck. I take back ever doubting Troy. Ever.

Troy was talking to Chuck, his folder and pencil back on the desk, and I wished for that one moment I could be him. Be like that legend born into a great hero, protecting those who no one else would.

_Brave and Strong...._ those would be the words I'd use to describe Troy Bolton and both would be the only things that I would _never_ turn up of having. I knew this because I was the one who did nothing, the part of those people who wouldn't stand up for what I thought was right.

I was one of the people who ended up stabbing those closest to them in the back.

"You're not trying out for basketball." I heard my brother say.

I turned suddenly. "No, wait- what?"

"Bolton is the coach's kid. He's captain and you shouldn't have to deal with that shit licker."

His face was creased with anger as he stared at me.

"I can handle myself against that fag, okay?" When did I start using that word?

He glanced back at Troy and saw that he was talking to Chuck. "But what if he gets Chuck to be on the team again? You'll have to be team mates with both of them!"

"Don't worry, okay Matt?"

"I said no, and that's final. You're not trying out for the team, and you're not going to talk to Troy Bolton."

I was going to retaliate when the bell rung and the teacher called for the class to be quiet.

While Mr. Kyles called out everyone who was suppose to be in the classroom, I decided not to argue with Matt. His word was always final, and I knew I wouldn't be able to change his mind.

_...funny_, I was starting to like the idea of playing basketball. It's hilarious how life just likes to do that, but I guess that this was my life and the hand that I was dealt just happened to be the crappiest I've ever seen.

"So..."

It was Matt, and he looked like he wanted to talk about something else.

"... how's your girls? Joyce or Michi free yet?"

I swallowed but something seemed to be keeping the saliva from going past my throat.

"...n-no. They still have boyfriends."

"...shame. I told you that you should of went for one before they got taken!"

He smiled and I smiled. His was genuine, mine wasn't.

"...yeah, I know you did."

"Ah- it's all good bro. You'll find other girls." He patted me on the back.

"But Matt... I told you already. I _love_ Joyce... I don't think I'll find anyone else." After a few too many suspicious questions from my brother, I decided to just tell him that I loved Joyce... and he believed me. I was seeing how he was doubting my excuses as to why I didn't have a girlfriend, so I thought this would be easier.

"Nate, _c'mon_... There are other girls! Look over there, the blonde one with the pink top." I turned to see who he was pointing at.

Sitting alone, with her hair into curls and a small pink purse at her side was Sharpay Evans.

_What the..._

"She's hot, you should go talk to her."

Sharpay didn't seem to notice our staring, her eyes were looking off at the wall.

Her look reminded me of how Ryan stared out of the window of the bus and I started to wonder about the twins. I glanced across the room and saw Ryan playing with his pencil.

"Well? C'mon, all you have to do is compliment on her clothes or her hair and then start a conversation... they like shit like that, then just... you know? Keep it cool."

My mouth opened but someone else had talked before I had the chance.

"Mr. Bain, your counselor has asked to see you immediately."

We both looked to the front.

"Nate or Matt, Mr. Kyles?" I asked.

"Matt."

Matt then turned his body completely towards the front. "But I haven't gotten my schedule or anything yet."

"I'm assuming that will be resolved there. Pick up your things and go Mr. Bain."

My brother ruffled my hair before getting up and slinging his backpack on his shoulder. "Cya later. Remember what I said, okay?"

"Okay, bye Matt."

Matt took the note from Mr. Kyles in the front before walking out of the class.

I turned to see where Chuck was and for what seemed like the tenth time that day I wished I was Troy Bolton.

He was still talking to Chuck.

My arms felt strained, even though I had done nothing for them to be so, and I stayed in my seat, my mind envying Troy Bolton till he was all I could think about.

The rest of the hour seemed to go on forever. The second ticks on the clock was like a chime going off in my head, telling me that this torture... this _life_ was one more second gone and that I only had one less second to go.

"Wow."

Throughout the talking in the classroom and all the voices going on, the only reason I noticed this one was because it was directed at me...

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	3. Chapter 3

The voice had reminded me of Ryan but I knew it wasn't him. It wasn't soft enough, and some how I could tell that it was much more deeper, more _stronger_ then Ryan's.

"You really are something... you know that?"

And then the face appeared in my mind. I didn't need to open my eyes to know how it was looking at me.

There was a pause before I heard the voice again. "Hey! Hey, _asshole_. Open your eyes."

I didn't want to but I had to. My eyes opened and I found Troy Bolton sitting in front of me, a chair turned backwards under him, and his eyes looking at me with a death glare.

"Good. Now, you're going to listen to me _Nate_-"

I glanced over at Chuck, my ears turning Troy's words into white noise some how. He was looking at me but there was something in his eyes. I couldn't read them... Well, that's what I told myself. Maybe I just didn't want to find out what was behind those brown eyes of his.

I felt a hand pull my face back to look at the boy in front of me. "Hey! Look at me, don't look at him."

He pointed a finger at me, a short blade that needed nothing to look threatening. "You listen and you listen good. You and your _brother..._ are going to leave Chuck alone, got that? He doesn't need anymore shit from you and if I ever see either of you two near him again, I will make sure that it's the last time you two are walking!"

He inched closer to me. "Is that understood?"

I didn't respond.

"I said, _is that understood._" His voice was low and warning, small war creases along his face told me that he knew I was an enemy.

I nodded, not knowing what else to do. I couldn't explain anything, I couldn't tell him that he was my friend, that I was gay just like Chuck.

...tell him that I wouldn't do a thing to harm him...

But the problem with the statement was that if I had said that, if I had the courage to even speak to Troy, I would have already told a lie before it had left my lips. Because I've already harmed him, I've sledge hammered his skull when he wasn't looking and I did nothing to stop myself.

"Good." Troy looked angry and pissed off, but somehow none of those emotions came through. The ones that did surface seemed to be disappointment and frustration.

He slowly shook his head and I knew he wasn't done talking to me.

"You had me going for a second there..." He shook his head, his eyes drifting away from mine. "You had me believing that you were..." He sighed before letting out a small laugh and facing me.

"My father once told me that you can always tell who some one is by playing ball with them, the way they either shut you down when you're going for the basket or if they realize that it's just a game and won't go for the foul..."

Another memory flashed to me, Troy ran in to dunk the ball and I hadn't gone in to block the shot.

"I thought you were a good guy Nate... I thought you were different from all the other guys at this school... but I guess- I guess I was wrong..." He sounded sad and angry, if that was possible, at the same time.

And then he left, his red jersey rippling through the air like a cloak. He left and I stayed there, still unable to understand the last couple hours at all.

Troy's warnings were still biting at my conscience and for a few seconds Joyce's words flowed into my mind as if they were called upon from Troy himself.

_'That would be a hell lot better then betraying people like you!'_

Her voice, the kind of aggressive tone that she only used on people who decided to mess with her or people she cared about, had been used on me, as if I wasn't the Nate she grew up with. Like I was someone she didn't recognize, some deceiving enemy who had finally revealed himself.

My eyes started to water and I hoped I wasn't going to start cryi-

...too late.

With however much calmness I could salvage, I stood up out of my seat, Mr. Kyles gone for whatever reason I don't know, and I walked out the door. It was a loophole to the voice in my head saying that I was running away again. Well, I didn't care. I just wanted to leave.

I heard no one calling my name, no 'where are you going?'s... My departure wasn't questioned. Everyone in the vicinity, including myself, thought it was better left without me. Better that I wasn't there anymore.

"_They're a disease Nate... They are corrupted, and so will you if you think otherwise. Never think otherwise, understand Nate?"_

Those words... my mother used to tell them to me. I tried to listen to them, tried to understand the meaning of them while all else still knowing that they were not true, that they were wrong.

But then I realized something that made the tears down my face pour out faster, the droplets of salty water detouring into the sides of my mouth before making their way down my chin.

No matter what thoughts told me that I was not like them, that I was nothing like my brother, that I was nothing like my parents..... in the end, it all didn't matter. Even though I felt that they were wrong, that they were lies, that they were not me... I still acted as if they were the truth. Acted as if they were the beliefs that I held on to.

...acted as if they were right.

My eyes flashed open and I was on the roof. The morning sun was in the background and I was glad that there was a breeze up here. My feet brought me to the side of the building and I was able to see the gym from there. I looked to the ground and found the concrete that I wanted to see.

The grass would have increased my chances. I didn't want that.

Would it be painless? I had no idea. I hoped it wasn't though.

My shoe edged off into the air, it's loose form slipping from my body before it fell off. I watched it tumble through the air and it landed with a thud on the ground.

I smiled at it out of instinct.

...then with a small hesitation I took a step forward, my body weight the only thing keeping me on the building and I took a last look at the school.

_...I'm sorry guys. For everything I've done.... I just...I just hope you can forgive me..._

Then... I jumped.

.

..

...

"NATE!"

A hand grabbed me by the arm and my face swung and hit the hard side of the building.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!" I didn't care who who the fuck the person was, but like hell are they going to stop me.

"LET. ME. GO!!!"

My legs kicked at the rough concrete scrapping against my skin. I was squirming under the grip.

It was when I heard him yelling for strength so that he would be able to pull me up, did I realize that if I fell now, I'd be bringing more then just myself off the edge. I'd be sending a person who deserved to live off with me. I couldn't do that.

I let them pull me up.

My eyes were closed and I heard the huffs and puffs of hard breathing from a source next to me.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!!" I couldn't recognized the voice. "Nate? Nate! Look at me!" He was shaking for me to open my eyes but I just turned on the ground and shut them even harder.

I realized the warm tears flowing down the bridge of my nose and that I had trouble breathing.

"Nate... Nate, please. Look at me." I didn't respond. "Please!... Nate!"

My head was in his arms and I broke down. The weight of what I was going to do just hit me only now and I felt more ashamed then I had ever known myself to feel in my entire life.

"That's not the answer Nate! You have to trust me when I say this, but there are a lot of things worth living for, do you hear me?"

I think I wanted to respond, but my body was shaking so much that my mouth wouldn't be able to form words anyways.

"We... We're going for a ride. C'mon." I obeyed, him pulling me to my feet, and I followed the boy across the roof. His arms led me down the stairs and into the hallway.

The entrance doors waved goodbye to us as the parking lot pavement crumbled under my feet.

He led me to a rusty looking truck before he opened the passenger's side with a set of keys in his pocket.

I climbed into the seat and he closed the door behind me.

Suddenly my eyes felt heavy and my body weighed down against the old leather, exhausted and tired. Soon darkness consumed me and then I heard the roar of the engine lulling through my ears and into my mind, helping it sink deeper and deeper into sleep. The last thing I saw was the boy glancing at me, the dark waters of his blue eyes accompanying that small smile of his.

Only then did I realized the engine.

...it wasn't breaking my thoughts anymore.

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	4. Chapter 4

"No!"

"Wait, you didn't even let me-"

"Chuck! That's the most stupidest idea in the entire world!... Have you been drinking?"

"Have I been-_what the hell _-_no._.. you know I hate the stuff, and it is _not_ a stupid idea!"

"Chuck, these are your _parents!_ These are the people who decide where you live, _a-llow_ you to live under their roof, pay the rent, food, electricity and all that! They practically control your life!"

"They are also the loving, caring parents that have raised me since the day I was born! They love me and they wouldn't do-"

"You want to fucking bet!"

"Yes! That's why I should-"

"No! You are not doing this. That is final!"

I landed on the ground and fell into a sitting position. The carpet under me felt rugged and harsh when I dropped but I didn't care.

"You sound like my parents..." I heard him say.

My eyes looked up and I glared at him.

He just ignored it.

"..._c'mon Nate_..."

"No! You can't just _-c'mon Nate- _me and think I'll change my mind. You're not doing this!" I said shaking my head.

My eyes dropped to the floor as I brought my voice down to a whisper.

"This... this is stupid. Who gave you this ridiculous-"

"Joyce."

"-idea." My eyes rolled. Of course it was Joyce.

Chuck took a seat on the floor across from me.

"And it's not ridiculous! My parents may be angry at first, but they will accept me!" I glanced over at him and his face looked determined on his decision whether I liked it or not.

My voice turned even softer now, as if someone would be able to hear us from the empty house. "They will _not_. Dammit Chuck... You have no idea... the word of God to them is... is above all other reasonings and logic... They will never accept something that contradicts with Him!"

"No offense... but I know they will understand.... they _have_ to understand.." His eyes drifted away from me.

Why was it so hard to talk him out of this?!

"Chuck..."

He shook his head, his half closed eyes staring at his feet. "Nate... I'm doing it tonight. Nothing's going to stop me. I just wanted to let you know and I was just-I was just hoping..." He brought his head up and looked at me." I just wanted to know that I had your approval..." He tried to look into my eyes "...that I had your support..." but I didn't bring my head up.

His face strickened when he saw my eyes wander to his then back to the ground.

...and then he stood up. His feet were pushing a path towards the door and all I could see was the back of his head.

_...Dammit Chuck..._

"Wait..." He stopped, his hand on the door knob.

I let out a breath to calm my voice. "...I'm- I'm sorry... It's y-your choice and... and I can't control your life."

He sighed and turned, his face still lingering to the floor."It's okay Nate."

"... I'll be with you if you want... when you tell your parents." It had left my mouth suddenly and the words felt strong at the time.

He looked up. "Really?"

I smiled. "Yeah, of course. What, can't be that much of a coward now, can I?"

He then tried to return a smile but the white of his teeth didn't seem to come through.

It was fragile and hesitant and it caused my own smile to waver.

"What is it?"

"Well-"

"You don't think I would be there for you?"

I watched as he slowly walked over and took a seat in front of me again, his eyes never meeting mine. I could tell that he was running thoughts through his mind. Whether he should tell me the truth, to explain to me why he thought so, or to lie to me so that he could believe in what I said.

"Of course I know you would be there for me..." His eyes really liked staring at the floor, "You're my best friend and... and I know that you would never do anything to prove to be otherwise... it's just that-"

"Just what?" I shouldn't have asked him that.

"It's just... you've lived your life lying to everybody, secretly having this other side to you... you never once tried taking a chance to stand up for yourself... and I just... I don't want to expect so much out of you and get nothing in the end." He kept his head down.

Now it was my turn for my face to stricken. "So, you're saying that I would betray you if I had the chance?"

He shook his head at me, a finger held up posing as a no. "Wait, I didn't say that-"

"Then what did you mean to say?"

His mouth stayed closed.

Mine on the other hand, opened. "You do! You think that I would stab you in the back if it was a choice between you and-"

"Nate, no! I didn't-"

"Well, it's not going to happen!" Before I knew it, I was standing up and staring down at him. "I would stand by you even if everything goes to hell... I would-I would be there even if... even if all the world hates you and me!" I added a reassuring smile.

"Okay..." He smiled too, if only a little. He stood up next to me and brought me into a hug.

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?" I whispered into his ear.

"...course I do." He said and I nodded at the answer.

Only then did I know that everything would be fine. Chuck's idea didn't sound so far fetch of a plan anymore, and the belief that his family would take him as their son, after he tells them the truth, felt like it had no option to fail.

_This is going to work out... nothing will go wrong and everything will be fine..._

_._

…_.everything will be..._

_._

…_.fine._

_

* * *

  
_

I felt a crusted surface along my back and some how it had reminded me of a rugged carpet. I realized a soft humming sound running through my ears but just as soon as I heard it, it started to fade away.

My eyes were closed so I decided to open them, slowly at first because their lids felt heavy and didn't seem to want to open.

_Why had I stopped dreaming?_

I heard a pair of keys jingle and the sound of an engine dying.

"Hey, you're awake- OH GOD!"

Through my half opened eyes I saw a white blur. It's hands were frantically searching for something in a space in front of me.

My forehead felt wet and the first thought that came to mind was that I was sweating again.

"Ryan?" I asked the white blur.

"Don't move! Uhh- just don't panic, I got this."

His hand found a clear bottle with a white label on it, and his other hand brought out what I thought were cotton balls.

"Hold still, this might hurt a bit."

I felt drowsy and confused. I didn't know what he was talking about, but the sweat on my forehead was really starting to itch.

"Hey! I said don't move!" He was pouring whatever was in the bottle onto a cotton ball in his hands. "Wait, don't pick at it!"

He put the bottle down and, with his free hand, pulled my arm away from my head.

"Wha-what?" I still didn't know what was going on, but the sweat in my hand from scratching my head started to feel more and more like watered down paint.

I tried to look at it but the second my head tilted down, Ryan's hand had brought my face to look at him. He held my face still while, with his other hand, he brought the wet cotton ball to my forehead.

"_AHHH!!!_ " My eyes tightened, a sharp pain shot through my head and it made me recoil against the seat.

"Oh-_sorry!_" He retracted his hands and immediately my own hand came up to press against my head.

And that's when I saw it. The bright red liquid in my right hand and my eyes widened.

"I'm bleeding..."

"It's not that bad..." He assured me.

"You're lying."

"...it's only a small gash." He dabbed my head again, softly this time, and the pain wasn't as sharp.

"How did I-"

...

"_NATE!"_

"_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!"_

_..._

My mouth laid opened, the memory flooding through my mind.

"I... I tried to kill myself." My head rose and I looked at Ryan. "...and... and you stopped me..."

He never answered or confirmed it. He just continued to tend to my head.

"...Nate!"

I jumped down from the truck, the desert ground crunching under my shoe, before I slammed the door closed behind me. A sudden dry wind whirled into my body while one of my feet pained against rubble and small rocks when I walked forward. A white sock stared back at me when I looked to my feet and I pictured the missing shoe falling through the air and hitting the school pavement.

The sun was a burden on my eyes, but the breeze made it bearable. My mind didn't recognize the environment and I realized that I didn't know where I was.

The red of the ground surrounding the area had different shades of light reflecting off it's surfaces and I saw that it was because of the clouds in the sky. I could make out several mountains in the distance and that's when I figured that we must have been on our own mountain, the valley underneath us revealing their small specs of cactuses and shrubs. Behind the truck I didn't see a black paved road, but an uneven path, the same color as the rest of it's surroundings. It trailed around a bend and out of sight. I wondered why the turbulence didn't wake me up as I turned my head forward.

My feet brought me over to a dirt path that lead me up to a small platform. A look over the edge and I realized it was a cliff.

_Why did he stop me?_

_...  
_

"_ARE YOU CRAZY!!"_

_.  
_

"_Nate...Nate, please. Look at me. Please!....Nate!"_

_...  
_

_Why did.... why did he care about what happened to a pathetic shit like me?_

I guess I didn't completely think the action through at the time. It was an impulse, an illusion I placed on myself and Ryan was there to snap me awake.

Only now did the questions start to hit me. It started with one, but then it escalated into me asking myself everything that came to mind.

To die...

...what was it like? I know that there would be pain and darkness, but was there more? Was there an afterlife? If there was a God, would He let me through the gates? Was my family right all along? Did my mother hold true to her words when she said she was just protecting me?

Or was there nothing? To end my life would be to end everything and have nothing to look to afterwords. I would be buried in the ground just to whither away. To disappear along with the billions of others who have died before me.

Who was I leaving? My family, my friends, the people who know and see me everyday of my life, those who I have never noticed before... would they remember me? Would they cry at my funeral?

Would my friends keep my secret till my death, or tell my family anyways? Did I want them to find out that way?

My eyes opened and the sunlight blinded my vision into reality. I was sitting over the edge... and when I looked under my feet I was frightened by the height that I saw. I was perched over the cliff and I had no idea how I got here.

"...N-Nate?" The voice was quiet and shivering.

I turned and found Ryan looking over at me, his distance showed that he didn't like how half of my body was hanging over in the air.

"Nate, c-can you get away from t-that ledge... please?" I almost didn't hear him over the quiet whispers of the wind.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked.

A stray rock rolled off into the air when I torqued my body to face him. This caused his voice to quicken. "C-Can you come over here first?"

"Not until you tell me why you brought me here." I scraped a few bits of the wall off the cliff with my hanging foot just to agitate the answer out of him.

He trailed slowly towards me, his steps were abate and careful. He found a spot in front of me, his eyes never leaving mine, as his body lowered itself into a sitting position.

"If you're going to jump, you know I'll stop you."

"...so, you didn't bring me here to fall?" I asked him sarcastically, turning my head away from him.

"_No_ -"

"Then why the did you bring me here?"

"To... To get away... to get away from the school."

His eyes wandered around to look at the area. "This was a place I'd go to when I wanted to get away." He looked back at me. "It was the first place I thought of." He then hesitantly reached out a hand. "Now, can you please get away from the ledge?"

I didn't take his hand. "Why do you care if I jumped or not?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

My head drifted away from his and I stared down into the valley. "Because I don't deserve it..."

"Why would you say that?"

I didn't realize it till I spoke, but I was laughing. "Why wouldn't I say that? Haha-_haha!!_.. Why...? Because, well one thing I did _nothing_ to help Chuck-"

I felt him turn my body to face him, "It was your brother, not you-"

"I didn't do _anything!_" I pushed his arm off me, "You know nothing! Don't tell me that it was just a small stupid act and that it isn't a big deal or something!" I turned my back to him, "I promised him that I'd be there no matter what! Be there if everything... if everything goes to hell..."

...

"_So you're saying I'd betray you if I had the chance?"_

_.  
_

_"Well, it's not going to happen!"_

_...  
_

"...I told him..." The dry wind brushed across my cheeks, the tears along my skin heating against it's air. "...I told him I would be there even if all the world hates...-hates him and... and me..."

I whipped my body around, my voice cracking. "I was a _fucking coward!"_ My voice shrunk and I was crying.

"You can't control everything that happens in your life _all_ the time! You can't always be _brave _Nate!"

"WELL I SHOULD HAVE _TRIED!!_ I JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED! THAT'S HOW I'VE BEEN MY WHOLE _FUCKING LIFE!!_ and I.... _and I..."_ My eyes shut closed.

My body felt cold again. It must have been the hundredth time that day and I thought I was just feeling the same things over and over again. First, my skin would turn to ice, then I'd regret all the things I've done and realize that I can't do anything about it... and before long I'll call myself a traitor.

It was a cycle. It was _my_ life. Everything would stay the same, nothing would stop this pattern and I just wouldn't be able to handle it...

Something _had_ to change...

And that's when I felt it. A sudden warmth surrounding me and my eyes shot open. His chest to my cheek, his arms to my back and suddenly I felt my pain and the ice of my lies flowing into him... I was allowed to share this burden with the body that was holding onto me. It was a relief that I longed for, it kept me from leaving his grip, kept me from pushing him away.

He was the change I needed to stop the cycle.

"Nate, you have to know that you were born into this. Your family, this life... you had no choice in any of it. That's just how it is. I know it, you know it, and Chuck has to know it too. He will forgive you and... and everything will turn out alright."

I believed him. His words were real and in them I found comfort, the kind that I didn't think I'd find in someone like Ryan Evans.

His arm was wrapped around to my head, his hand was holding onto my hair and... and I was suddenly glad that he found me in the theater.

My front teeth rubbed against his clothes and I smiled. Then some how I found myself laughing again, my throat contracting against the action and how I was just crying a second ago.

I don't know... he just felt like safety and something told me that nothing could harm me now.

"...Nate, are you alright?" He whispered.

I brought my head up and nodded. He smiled in response and I placed my head in his chest again. It was very comfy, almost like a pillow but it never had a cool side. I think I liked it better that everywhere was warm.

"Is that weird?" I muttered, asking no one in particular.

"Well... in guys maybe."

I brought myself apart from him, my eyes looking to his. "What?"

"I mean... guys don't normally cry, smile and laugh all at the same time. It's just not normal." He laughed. "Told you you needed a psychiatrist..."

Another smile spread across my lips, through all the tears and stutters. "..._douche._"

He smiled before he pulled me back into his arms. I don't know how, but for some reason I forgot about everything and the only thing that concerned me was that I was with Ryan and what was happening now.

The warmth... the warmth was like some kind of sedative to my pain and it protected me. Protected me from thinking about the past.

My eyes opened again and I stared at a red stain on Ryan's shirt that I hadn't seen earlier.

"Ryan, your shirt..."

"What?" He glanced down at me. "_AH_- Nate, your bleeding again."

He told me to wait here before pulling away from me. His feet hurried across the ground and soon he was over at the truck.

I looked to him, the protection that I was feeling suddenly was gone and my body didn't react that well to it.

It felt lost without his. I missed his warmth and the seconds it took him to come back was too long for me. I found myself hugging him, holding onto that protection the second he was in front of me.

"Nate?... Nate, c'mon... I need to look at it."

"...s-sorry." I apologized, slowly pulling apart.

"I need to clean it again, then well... I don't have any bandages, but I do have scotch tape."

"Scotch tape?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why, you allergic to tape?"

He laughed before he hesitantly moved a cotton ball to my head.

"This is going to hurt... sorry in advance."

Ryan bit his lip, but when the moist ball touched my skin I didn't pull back.

"...guess I'll save that sorry for later." He laughed.

I smiled and that was the last noise out of either of us as Ryan continued to operate on my head.

"... Is it really that big?" The area that the cottonball band-aide Ryan made could have covered my thumb.

"It's nothing. I'm just... I'm just covering it up more then it really is." He wasn't that good at lying. "It's not that bad, I promise."

I decided to go along with it and before long Ryan had 'repaired' my head with his hand made band-aide.

"There we go..." He pressed the tape securely on my forehead before examining it. "Finally, you're not leaking anymore."

I had to admit...I didn't exactly hear him. During the time in which Ryan was busy fastening the cotton balls to my head, I got lost looking at the boy's face. There were small little blonde hairs along his cheek, which blended with the rest of his skin. The contrast between the two colors were almost near impossible to tell apart so it was barely noticable. I guess he never noticed them, the invisible hairs on his face, which is probably why he hadn't shaved any of it off or-

"Nate?"

My eyes shut close as I shook my head out of my daze. "Uhh, yeah?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Um, yeah. Course I did."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well I just laid out a smart ass comment and you're not retaliating."

He laughed and I felt the skin along my face start to heat up. "I uh... well-"

"You weren't listening. Yeah, I got it." He grabbed the bottle of alcohol on the ground along with the tape and the bag of cottonballs. "C'mon, we should go-"

"Wait, can we stay here for a bit?"

It was a question and he had a choice between yes and no, but his face didn't look like he was about to decline anything that I asked.

"...sure." He placed the things in his hand on the ground and sat down next to me. His hands reached out behind him and he leaned on the support that his arms gave him against the ground.

When I saw that he was fixated on something above us, I moved to lie down on my back, my arms reached out behind my head. My eyes stared off into the sky and I followed a cloud that looked like a mix between a puppy and a fish. Or maybe it was a shark? I didn't know, but I wondered if that was what Ryan was looking at. I looked over at him and found his eyes shifting up to the sky. If I had looked a millisecond sooner I probably would have found him staring at me.

It was a quick thought, but I removed it from my mind the second it came up. There was an alter in his face and I think his smile widened a little.

We both continued to stare up at the sky and that's how we stayed for the longest time. Maybe it was hours or maybe it was just ten minutes, but it didn't matter. A breeze shifted through our clothes like waves brushing up against the beach and during the whole time I never once was blinded by the sun. I realized that it was hiding behind a few large clouds and partially by Ryan's huge head.

Another breeze and suddenly I felt like the cactuses in the valley, a spec among the crowd of shrubs and plants, and the cage that was my world didn't seem to be getting smaller anymore. In fact, it was getting bigger and I envisioned oceans. Vast, large blue oceans that stretched for miles and miles.

I was flowing, never stopping, and I was just moving with all the other life on the planet. It felt nice. It was like the universe was taking my troubles away for that moment and I didn't need to worry about anything.

I was just a boy... lying on a cliff.

...and I wasn't going to jump off it!

I heard Ryan laugh which surprised me.

"What?" I asked.

He looked over at me, his silence the only thing occupying our space for a few seconds "...mmm, it's nothing." He said before looking away from me.

I eyed him suspiciously. "No, seriously, what?"

He glanced over to me and started laughing again.

_What the..._

"What? What is it?" I started to laugh myself.

"It's um-_haha-_ it's nothing. Really, it's nothing."

I closed my eyes, lifting my eyebrows for effect. "Okaaay then... If you're not going to tell me then... then I guess we'll have to just sit here, feet from a hundred foot drop, where if one were to fall or maybe... accidentally be bumped off? ...no one would _really_ know what happened on this cliff..."

I peeked a glance at Ryan and found him lifting an eyebrow. "So... you're saying that if I don't tell you why I'm laughing then you'll throw me off the ledge?"

"Of course not Evans. I'm just stating some facts is all." It was hard keeping my smile down.

"You are?"

I nodded.

"Well... then I think we should go get some ice cream. And this decision has nothing to do with your fact stating."

"Ice cream?"

"Yeah. Ice cream."

I nodded in approval. "I like ice cream."

"You do? I wouldn't have guessed. You seem like a spinach person."

"Spinach?"

He poked my arm. "Yeah, spinach.... You know? Like Pop-eye. Actually, I think there's this spinach flavored ice cream that you would love."

"Shouldn't I hate that since I love spinach?"

"But it's ice cream."

"It's spinach _flavored _ice cream. Now if it was ice cream flavored _spinach_ I would probably eat that."

We stared at each other for half a minute (I counted), both of us trying to keep the straightest face we could muster before we bursted out laughing.

"haha... that was fun."

"And educational." Ryan added, pointing a finger into the air.

I smiled. "Yes, educational."

"Purely educational."

"Can we go get ice cream now?" I asked. The talk of spinach made the move to get ice cream a very good idea.

"Haha... course. Let's go." He stood up and faced the truck.

...and then I laughed. Laughed so hard that my own will power wasn't enough to stop. "Pfft-haha-ha.."

Ryan turned to me, a hand on his hips. "Okay... so, now why are _you_ laughing?"

"It's... pfft-haha-_haha_... it's your clothes... -_haha-_ there's dirt _everywhere_." Along his once white shirt and pants was a blemish of brownish red dirt. I noticed that the marks were much more darker along his rear and I laughed even harder.

He torqued his body around and used his hand to lift the back of his shirt a bit to see if I was telling the truth. He looked sad at his ruined clothes and I stopped my laughing once I saw his face.

"Uh- well, um...don't worry. It's not that bad-"

"This was my favorite shirt..." He sighed before shrugging. "Oh well... least I have both my shoes and I'm not _bleeding_ everywhere." He smirked at me before turning back around.

I narrowed my eyes at him before getting up to follow the boy.

"Hey now, that can change in a -_crap!-"_ and that's when I fell, my toe stinging from the rock I had tripped over.

I don't think I tore open my skin again, none of my limbs feeling much pain. I quickly got to my feet before Ryan could turn around to see what happened.

"Did you just trip over that rock?"

"N-No." Guess he did see it.

"You sure? Because I'm pretty sure you were lying on your back not your-"

"I rolled when I stood up and I got my pants dirty."

"Apparently you got your shirt too."

I looked down and found the reddish brown dirt all over my shirt. Ryan laughed again.

"You really like laughing at me, don't you?" I walked over to the passenger's side as Ryan got to the driver's door.

"You're a very laughable person. Besides... _I'm_ not the one who laughs at himself randomly."

I rolled my eyes as he unlocked both doors and we sat inside. "Hey... I didn't do that on purpose. It just kind of... came out."

"First sign of insanity if I remember correctly..." He reached over to the dashboard in front of me so that he could put away the bottle, tape and plastic bag in his hands.

"So you're a doctor now?"

"I _'repaired'_ you didn't I?"

"And I will come to you for every papercut I- wait, is that cologne?" I dove my hand into the dashboard before Ryan could respond. I pulled out a small clear bottle filled with a light green liquid.

"Ryan wears cologne?" I held up the bottle next to me when I asked the question.

I think I saw his eyes widen for a second. "Y-Yeah, doesn't everyone?"

"I don't think that _everyone_ wears cologne..."

"Uh, well I do. Why, don't believe me?"

"Well... you don't exactly smell like-" I opened the bottle and sniffed the liquid, "Oh, wow. Yeah, you don't smell a thing like that." I wiped my nose with my hand as if it would have removed the smell from my nostrils.

"I-I didn't put any on this morning."

"Oh yeah... that's right," I turned the cap shut on the bottle, "You took the bus to get to school today... But some how you have this truck to drive me here?"

He stayed silent. His eyes were searching for an excuse to my accusations.

"Whose truck is this Ryan?" I asked.

Nothing.

"Did you steal it?" I had to get some kind of answer from him.

"No!" He said quickly, his eyes darting to mine.

"...then, whose truck is this?"

"It's-It's mine. I left it in the parking lot after I came for theater on Saturday... M-My sister picked me up from school and I was going to ride it back home after today."

"...so, you're telling me that with all the money your family has, you decide to buy this old piece of crap? Oh, and what, it's some expensive antique that's worth millions of dollars and you were lucky enough to-"

"It's Troy Bolton's."

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